“You know that sympathy you feel for an abused child who suffers without a good mom or dad to love and care for them? Well, they don't stay children forever. No one magically becomes an adult the day they turn 18. Some people grow up sooner, many grow up later. Some never really do. But just remember that some people in this world are just older versions of those same kids we cry for” ~ Ashly Lorenzana
On the 13th of September 2013, the country heaved a sigh of relief when the four accused in the ‘Nirbhaya rape case’ were sentenced to death. The nation rejoiced as one of her daughters had finally found justice. The rape case and the sentence are but just the tip of a dangerous iceberg.
The sentence also led the nation to debate it at various level; political, socio-psychological and socio-economic. While some argued that death sentence is not a viable democratic option, many did feel that this was the only deterrent; only stringent measures could eliminate the vilest of all crimes.
Being a woman, while I totally empathise with these arguments; the educator in me also sees the futility of these exercises. History has proved that violence never deters violence. If lessons were to be learnt from history then post the two world wars we would have seen a patient, loving and all embracing humanity. The history of the world would have not been spotted with the hundreds of battles, wars, riots and rapes that it currently has.
Lots has been written on why men rape. The sense of power that they enjoy ;the social insecurity they face from women who are more successful than them in the personal and professional spaces, the sense of gratification which they perceive by controlling and vindicating another human being and many such more are usually enumerated as the major reasons .
The crux of the issue however lies in the subconscious of the assaulter. Children grow up seeing their fathers abuse their mothers, the men folk of their village or city giving little or no respect to women in social spaces. Advertisements, jokes, movies and other forms of entertainment usually target women. The body of the woman in commoditised over and over again at the social level, while the responsibility of maintaining her dignity lies solely at the individual level.
Research has shown that most sexual abusers belong to broken families. Interactions between the parents which create the base for childhood experiences influence the adult behaviour of many an abuser. Witnesses and victims of domestic violence veer towards violent tendencies later on in life. The suppression of emotions and the lack of communication at the adolescent ages is also an angle that needs to be explored. Very frequently parents do not want to discuss emotional and sexual issues with their children. Children are frequently told that it is bad to talk about such stuff. Unanswered questions in their mind lead to unguided actions.
When children are unable to foster trust in their parents, it develops into a lack of trust in everyone they meet in their later lives and this fosters the need to enforce power and superiority on all. Sexual abuse is a way of maintaining the power equations in their head. At the core of most socially inappropriate behaviours is the fact of being socially inadequate; of being constantly told that one is worthless and useless. When children are abused, they develop the inability to regulate their emotions and express them in a positive way. The suppression of emotions also leads to its expression in different ways which may be form alcoholism to sexual perversion.
In 2007, a government of India conducted a research on around 12000 along with Unicef and Save the children. The study of these children revealed the most shocking results. Around 50 % of them admitted to being sexually abused.
Statistics reveal that there has been a 336% increase in child rape cases from 2001 to 2011. And yet again this is the proverbial tip of the iceberg. Most child assault cases go unreported.
While a lot needs to be done at the governmental level by means of legislation, the educational system in India is a powerful force of reform that needs to be harnessed to usher in change.
Schools and other educational institutions need to be pivotal in playing a vital role to usher in change. When we develop strong positive children in our schools, we nurture a safe world for our future. While the government’s intent on getting the RTE into place is praiseworthy, the more impelling consideration should be the right to safety. Are our children safe in their private and public spaces.
What do educational institutes do when cases of child abuse get reported in their schools or colleges? Do they have child protection services on their campuses? Do they have counselling programmes for the children? The recent incident at the Manipal University/ (reputed university?) campus where a female student was kidnapped and raped on her way back from the college library is a case in point. A safe place till date, the University is now on tender hooks. Most educational institutes never prepare for such an eventuality because they believe such things don’t happen in their organisations.
Short term solutions like expelling the offender may not provide the safety that individuals are looking for. People are open to sexual exploitations in schools, colleges and work places. Every organisation should have a counselling centre especially schools and colleges. There need to be safe places where children can speak up about what happens to them.
Billabong High has been instrumental in giving voice to our students. The Chuppi todo campaign that was a part of all our schools stands testimony to this.
The campaign aimed at teaching children the differences between good touch and bad touch. Awareness is the key to protection. It aimed at drawing the attention of parents to this oft neglected topic . It also told children to be open to their parents, teachers or any adult they could trust so that such incidents do not scar their lives. The key word is ‘trust’. Are our adults trustworthy?
In India talking about sexual abuse is usually nonexistent. It’s often believed that ‘such things don’t happen in our family’. Statistics reveal that around 68% of child abusers belong to the family of the child concerned. Around 90% of sexually abused children revealed that they knew the perpetrator prior to the abuse. So the friendly ‘uncle’ or the loving ‘aunty’ in the neighbourhood may not be that friendly and loving after all. We revel in denial. We revere ‘family name’ and we constantly cover up such incidents.
As parents the roads of communication need to be open. A recent video doing the rounds on you tube sends out this message very strongly.
Our child could be telling you something. But are you listening?
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